The Blessings of Kenny G

Confession: I did go to a Kenny G concert the other day. Its not as bad as it may seem, as I had a free ticket, and so didn't pay $30ish dollars to sit and watch a guy blow into a sax for 2 hours. That's what I expected anyway, and was pleasantly blown away. Not only is he extremely talented, but the rest of his "group," as it were, are quite skilled as well. Since it was live, it was much more in the typical jazz style-improve and solos-than you can get on a cd. But this isn't really about my enjoyment of the concert, but rather my reaction to it.

As I was driving home, reflecting on that concert and thanking Him for all the recent blessings I have experienced, I found myself almost afraid of what was coming next. I don't know what it is, but I cannot seem to understand grace. Still. Had coffee with DJ on Thursday, and reflected on 2009. Its been such a great year, and while its had its ups and downs, I have so much to be thankful for, and I can see His hand all over it. I can not seem to grasp God blessing me just because, or Him being actually pleased with me. I vacillate between thinking I deserve blessings, or that He is about to send some hardship, so I shouldn't enjoy it too much. I know better, but doesn't seem to penetrate my heart. I am apprehensive about tomorrow, thinking that there is some great hardship about to befall me or that He will basically say, "That's enough, time for some more sanctification." So twisted. And even when He does send trials, they are not to be feared. I realized a while back, that I have a hard time accepting grace, both from God, and from others. More on that later, but as we approach the New Year, I think it'd be best to be thankful for the blessings of the past, and trust in His care for the future, whatever it may look like...